the past few days (actually weeks) have been trying ones to say the least. since thanksgiving i have watched my mother-in -law literally fade away. i don't know if she consciously decided that she was through with this life, or if depression and discouragement caused her to spiral down . i need to write about this to help me figure it out.
i have tried to place myself in her situation . all control was lost when she fell- she was completely unable to navigate -even in a wheelchair. simple things like using the remote, reaching the kleenex, finding her glasses, sitting in a comfortable chair, and going to the bathroom became activities she could no longer accomplish without help. i think she decided that physical therapy was too hard and something she didn't want to do. the only control she had was what she ate and so that became the main issue. when i realized that was the issue, i knew that she would not be going back to her apartment. who knows what goes on in the mind when it receives no nurishment. her appearance changed from week to week until she was not the neat, tidy virginia that we all knew.
i have never watched a person die before. it is a hard process to witness- one that leaves you feeling helpless. the last 2 days were the most difficult - for others, but probably not for her. she had pretty much shut down and felt no suffering. as i watched her the last 10 minutes of her life here on earth, i imagined her birth- her spirit entering into her body- and now it was preparing to leave that same body- now deteriorated and wasted. i saw her last breath- something i will never forget. i am forever greatful for that experience- to know that she would not have to suffer with the frailities of her body again. the comings and goings of our spirits is truly an amazing thing. ............'til we meet again...
3 days ago